Rest

Have you read Jen Hatmaker's new book, "For the Love?" Other than "What is your Myer's Brigg's personality type?" or "What is in your backseat?", this is my favorite question these days.  I have wanted to read this book since its release but was too cheap to buy something that I knew I would devour in no time. So I put a hold on the book at the library and waited for my number to come up. After reading the first chapter, I was wishing I had purchased it so I could highlight, underline and star all the nuggets she offers in this book.

I am loving this book for so many reasons. One, it is hysterical! Laugh out loud funny! I have even had my kids read certain parts aloud in the car, or at the ballet studio. I have shared pieces with Joel. Jen is so funny and so spot on, it is hard not to want to share with everyone you come into contact with. Two, her nuggets are meaningful. Her chapters on marriage, children, aging, church offer deep thoughts to ponder, choices to be made and actions to be taken.

My favorite chapter so far has been the first one. In this chapter, Jen addresses the issue of women (most likely all of us) that try to do it ALL. She likens this life, this balancing act, to doing a trick on the balance beam. Her conclusion is that not everything fits on the beam, not every trick is worthy of being rehearsed, not every gig is worthy of our time and attention. This has really struck me.

I joined in with the "one word" group for New Year's resolutions this year. After having given up on the long list of things I'd like to change or do because I never seemed to accomplish them, I jumped on the "one word" bandwagon in hopes that I could at least keep up with one word for a whole 365 (actually 366 this year!) My word that I chose for this year is Rest. On the heels of one of the busiest summers (a play for Halle, nationals for Rylee, a 2 week road trip, reading daily for Jack) and falls (surgery for Emy, recovery for Emy, trips to Seattle weekly for doctor appts, physical therapy, TCC for Rylee, Classical Conversations for the younger 3), I thought that I might literally lose my mind. The days pressed on and in with no end and no relief in sight. I compare this type of life to running on a hamster wheel. I just kept on going round and round and round and couldn't find a way off. I spent a lot of time in my "backseat" (check out 'What's up these days') with fear and anxiety. I found significant rest over the Christmas and New Year's holiday and it was peace for my soul. I was determined to make Rest a priority over the new year. Not only am I determined to make rest a priority but I have decided that I am not going to let my schedule dictate when I rest but, rather, be intentional about purposeful rest.

Joel and I have been working through Mark Buchanan's book, "The Rest of God." We are both in need of that Sabbath rest that the Lord commands in His word. We have taken a stab at this several times. We both feel convicted, yet can't seem to find something that works or is sustainable. We've tried the Sunday Sabbath. Get all your work done during the week so that on Sunday you can rest. That was torture for me. It didn't give me any peace or any refreshing for the week to come. What is rest? What did a whole day of rest look like? What did a whole day of rest look like for a family that had many different ideas of what would be restful and what would fill their cup? Was there only room for rest one day a week? This approach left me grouchy. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with this system, clearly it has worked for many, many people over the centuries. But clearly, it wasn't working for me. In his book, Mark talks about a cultivating a "Sabbath heart." "A Sabbath heart sanctifies time. This is not a ritual. It's a perspective. And it is not a shift in circumstances-you will still have the same job tomorrow (I will still be driving the taxi, doing laundry, teaching school), the same problem with your aging parents, or wayward children, the same battle looming at church. But you make a deliberate choice to shift point of view, to come at your circumstances from a fresh angle and with greater depth of field. You choose to see your life otherwise, through a different lens, from a different standpoint, with a different mind set." Yes, Rest as a mindset rather than a forced day of the week. This idea of "sanctifying time" is something that I have been considering in regards to how I find rest and how I intentionally make rest in my day so that the rest of my day might be sanctified. My obsession with personalities and podcasts has definitely helped in the transforming of my mind in this area.

So how are Jen's gymnastic beam, my "one word" and Mark's book connected? Good question! I am trying to put all those pieces together myself. I am pretty sure I have too many things on my beam. I haven't exactly decided what isn't worthy to stay but I know that some have to go. Instead of doing a few things well, I am doing a lot of things half assed heartedly. That has to change. But, I think before I can change that, I need to still find Rest in the midst of it. Yes, more margin would be helpful for finding rest but what about those season's of life that don't naturally allow margin? I don't need rest during those? Of course, I do, even more so. I also think that creating and taking rest in midst of the chaos will allow me to clearly see which "tricks on my beam" don't bring me life and need to go.

So until then, I am making time for rest. This blog has been a huge factor for me. Taking the time to explore my Memory co-pilot and put it into words has been a blessing. My mind feels more focused on true, real life experiences, rather than an inner monologue that may or may not be true or real. I look forward to this time, not as a have to but a get to. Reading as also been a key to rest for me. I love to read but don't always make time to do it. I am trying to accomplish the reading challenge on Modern Mrs. Darcy's blog. I like tools that offer direction but don't cause me to feel trapped. I am also trying to be more organized with the scheduling of my day. Rather than letting the to-do's drive me and letting the squeaky wheel get all the attention, I am trying to schedule my time and stick to it. And, I pray. I pray a lot. Praying that the Lord will guide and direct, bring me peace, evaluate the have to's, get to's, shoulds, should nots, and how they all fit together, and lead me down the path He has for my good and His glory.