Pruning

Gardening is one of my favorite things to write about and think about. I love beautiful flowers, fruits and veggies, and well manicured beds.

I know, you are waiting on pins and needles for photos of my beautiful gardens. Unfortunately, there are none. It's not that there aren't any pictures, there sadly aren't any beautiful gardens. I dream about them and dream about them and dream about them and then I venture out to make it happen and realize that it takes a lot of work to make it happen. Too much work and too much time for me. Which unfortunately is a bummer since we live on 10 acres.

We purchased this house because of the amazing property that came with it. We could envision the kids running and playing and building and digging. (Yay! They do all this!) The previous owner had taken meticulous care of the yard and its gardens. I was thrilled but sorely underestimated how much time and energy it would take to manage it all.

Every time I head out into the great outdoors, I am in awe at God's creation. I am thankful for His beauty and His handiwork. I take in the smells, the sounds, the colors and I am full of gratitude. God wrote a lot about gardening in His word. I spent last week in John 15 and was encouraged by these verses. "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful....Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:1-2,4

My geraniums in need of tender care.

I have learned over the years to try and take on only what I can handle. I have picked a hanging basket or a pot or two that I can manage. I still long to have the rest of the yard look fabulous but I manage what I can (barely). This year, I decided to plant geraniums in a little bird bath that I have sitting next to the house. I love the color red and it always makes me so happy to come up to the house and see the beautiful red geraniums. Keeping plants alive is a ton of work, even the little ones in a little space. And sometimes they look like this, in desperate need of some TLC.

The flowers are more abundant and vibrant after pruning.

When they look like this, even I know that pruning is in order. I headed out back to do some work and was reminded of the verses in John. God revealed to me as I was pruning, that His work in me, the pruning, the refining, is intimate. Just as I was hands on with my geranium, God is hands on with me. He is up close and personal. Lifting every leaf, looking for the dead, the decaying, the parts that will continue to suck everything from me if He allows it to stay. I am so thankful that He doesn't hack from a distance. He doesn't blindly pluck what He cannot see. He gently draws near to me and carefully prunes.



I know and trust that God cares about the process and the end product and He really cares about the fruit I bear. He wants me to be the most fruitful that I can be. We have several hydrangeas around the property. I love them! Joel and I had hydrangeas at our wedding. They lined the front of the church in pots. We gave them to our moms after the ceremony and took a couple to plant for ourselves. Unfortunately we all have moved since then and there are no more wedding hydrangeas. I am grateful that the Lord had these hydrangeas waiting for me at our new house. One hydrangea is very happy and fully thriving in its location. The other was a little sad and  kind of scraggly. Joel took his pruning sheers to the scraggly one at the end of last summer and cut it way back. I had a few tears thinking that it might stay like that forever. But this summer it is so much happier. It is fuller and has more blooms. And that pruning took place by a gardener with comparatively little skill and knowledge. The Master Gardener, though, has great skill and perfect knowledge of who I am and how to prune me for his and my best fruit. Sometimes the pruning brings me to tears, lots of tears, because I feel like I have been cut down to the nubbins and that I might stay that way forever. But I rejoice in knowing that God knows the growth and the beauty that will be brought forth.

Where's your joy?

So, I've probably said it before, but I'm convinced that we have kids so God can get through to us.

My oldest daughter picked up a new sport (flat water kayak racing) last year, and we have quickly become advocates of this relatively unknown sport in our country as well as the outstanding program that is being run out of our small town.

Rylee paddling her very own racing kayak for the first time

There really isn't much not to love.  Hanging out around the water to watch your child compete in a sport she can literally do for her entire life, being part of a nationally recognized program (national champions for two years running), having the opportunity for your child to compete in an Olympic sport... It's pretty ideal, but it isn't easy.  These aren't the kayaks most people are used to seeing.  They are not designed to stay upright without work.  They are designed for straight-line speed.  I've been in a TK (Training Kayak - like water skiing on two skis before learning slalom) three times now for about a total of 2 hours and I've flipped in seven times just paddling around the dock.  It's humbling, but I'm getting better.

Beyond the fun that I'm having though, one of the most valuable things about it so far has been the conversations kayaking has allowed between me and my daughter.  I have loved trying to help her process through the frustrations of learning a brand new sport while overcoming the fear of failure, a fear made even more pronounced by the added apprehension of being dumped into the 50 degree water of the Puget Sound should you make a mistake in form or concentration.  This has been a rewarding and challenging experience for my daughter.  Especially since she is accustomed to excelling in her chosen activities.

But the most valuable piece has been for me personally.  In speaking with my daughter about trials and perseverance, God has been speaking to me about the same things.  As I am helping my daughter walk through this kayaking experience, God has been reminding me of James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." and Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Okay, confession time: I have never liked these verses in James.  I know we aren't supposed to admit that. I know they represent wisdom and maturity, but really!?  "When you are going through crap, don't forget to have good time!  Enjoy it.  Be Happy."  I just have never understood this one.  Pain is not something to be happy about.  Pain can be mastered.  It can be tolerated and persevered through, but where is the joy in that?

Our Anniversary

I am figuring I better jump back into this thing called blogging and sit down for a post. I have a few drafts in the line up, one on fear and failure, which is maybe why I haven't been able to publish anything. Joel has had a few posts lately and I am thinking if I don't chime back in, we may have to change the blog name and remove my picture from the "about" page. And since we just celebrated our 19th anniversary, it only makes sense that I would contribute this post.

Last week, for our anniversary, we stole away for a few short hours for dinner at JW's. Their claim is creative comfort food. We agree. We don't get their often but when we do, we enjoy sipping fine wine, tasting delicious food and talking. We even have a tendency to complete full sentences. We laugh, and sometimes cry, but my favorite part about these dinners is the dreaming. Once we have a chance to relax and clink glasses, we enjoy talking about the future. Future travel, anniversaries, our kids, our home, our lives. Sharing ideas plants seeds and some take root and grow and others are gone with the wind, but in that moment, it is fun to share, plan and dream.

Our food was scrumptious. We started with seared blackened Ahi in a mango sauce, then moved to a delicious mushroom soup (I am still dreaming about this soup) and a wedge salad. For entrees, Joel had the duck breast (I knew he would) and I had the pork chop. It was smokey and covered with a savory Arbiatta sauce. Yum. We always take a look at the dessert menu but usually pass. Not this night. Our fantastic waitress went through the list, tempting us with each item, but we remained strong. Until she got to the last item on the menu.... The Crumble. We are both suckers for crumbles but waited to hear the flavor before making our final decision. Waiting with bated breath, me hoping for Rhubarb, she finally revealed that tonight's crumble was PEACH. Joel's face lit up. He was sold. About half way through the dessert, he announced that the peach was the perfect fruit. Period.

I love how Joel is patiently waiting for me to take the photo :)

It was a delightful evening. I am so thankful for Joel. He is a wonderful, devoted, loving husband and father. We reflected over the last 19 years last night as we talked. We've both grown and changed so much since those early years. But we rejoiced in knowing that we've done it together. It has not been easy and there have definitely been times when I have wondered if it all was worth it. But I can honestly say, "yes." Through all the tears, the fights, the battles, the wars, the forgiveness, the make ups, the laughter, the mountain tops. Yes, it has been worth it. And we are praying for many, many, many more anniversaries.

What does your home look like?

Over the past several months, I've been sort of wrestling with God.  Not violently or combatively, just kind of a struggle.

It seems like God is really trying to bring me along.  Sometimes it is understanding a concept and sometimes it is just moving deeper into something he has already been working on me about.  Frankly though, I haven't been able to put all the pieces together.  It's like a puzzle.  I've fit together a nugget of wisdom here or a personal breakthrough there or a conviction at another turn.  I have possession of several small pictures with jagged edges which have been helpful and praiseworthy, but I think there's more.

I don't think that all these lessons or pictures are independent of each other.  I haven't connected them, but there is a sense that they all fit together.

Anyway, during this time, I've started writing or pondered writing about several topics for this blog, but every time I sit down to write, something interferes.  So I have multiple unfinished thoughts written or just rattling around in my brain and while I usually like to wait and post after I have already processed through an idea, I'm struck that this time, maybe I should post in order to process through them.  My hope is that if I write them out, the pieces will start to fit together.

The most recent picture is on parenting.  This one is earth shattering... Ready?  And here it is:

Parenthood is important.

Back to Reality

So, its been a really long time since I posted anything.  Of course, I went on a vacation to Maui shortly after my last post, and I can claim that I had a hard time shaking the vacation state of mind.

It was awesome! It was truly the mixture of relaxation and activity and rest that I needed to reboot. Hawaii is a little slower paced without being lethargic. It's active without being frantic. It's expensive without being... no, there is no balance for that one. Hawaii is just ridiculously expensive.

So, I could claim "Aloha residue" for my lack of blog content, but frankly it's not true. I left the tropics firmly behind the moment I got home and was welcomed back by work and sick kids and activity schedules and sleep deprivation (also known as normal life). Honestly, we've been home for four weeks now, and I think I need a vacation.

As to blogging, I actually came home looking for a topic to write on, and about a week after I got home, my wife sent me this link. She knew that I was, and still am, struggling with God, asking for a calling that lines up with the way he made me; to do something that makes me tick, and this post was really well timed for what I was thinking about at the time.

I was all set to write about my struggles and journey in this area, and I still might someday, but before I could write anything, my wife, who counts keeping me up to date on the Twittersphere as one of her marital responsibilities, let me know about World Vision's decision to change their hiring practice going forward to include candidates that are "gay Christians in legal same-sex marriages". World Vision reversed this decision two days later, but honestly, I just couldn't stomach wading back into the electronic media world after the events that surrounded those couple days.

Vanilla Price - Life Bringer

Last night, my wife and I took our two oldest daughters and a friend of theirs to the Toby Mac concert in Seattle.  The tickets were a very welcome Christmas present to our second daughter who obviously likes Toby Mac, but she also loves the star-studded cast of contemporary Christian artists/singers that were performing with him: Brandon Heath, Matthew West, Mandisa, and Matt Maher.

For those of you who have never been to a Toby Mac concert, it isn't what many picture as Christian music.  Other than the absence of pot and sexually explicit dance moves, it isn't that different in sound and performance quality from a typical concert.  It's loud.  It's energetic.  It leans toward what I would call hip-hop (though I'm not exactly and expert in that area).  It's everything that a preteen girl would want wrapped up in a parent friendly package.

Unless of course, you're me.  You see I really don't like crowds, and I pretty much hate noise.

I avoid the mall like the plague.  Places where other people actually pay money to go have fun make me want to pull what little hair I have left out of my head, one tiny strand at a time.  Fairs, amusement parks, sporting events, they all antagonize me at a primal level.

It's chaos of these places that gets to me.  I like order, and orderly and courteous behavior is almost impossible to find in a crowd.  I'm actually ok when I'm finally on the ride or in the game or maybe even in the store (probably stretching it with the store).  Once you're there, some semblance of order seeps in, but the walking around or getting to and from these types of places brings me as close to violent insanity as I get.  Just writing about this sets me on edge.  Heck, I don't even like making my way through the foyer at church. (Notice how I didn't say "Hell" when talking about church there?  Chalk me up a point for self control!)

It's Not All About Me

I know, I know, I can hear the audible gasp as you read this blog post title. "What?" you are thinking. "Where is she getting this crazy notion?" Or maybe you're chuckling to yourself thinking, "Well, duh. Of course it is not all about you." Whatever your reaction, I am always amazed when I have to be reminded that it is not all about me. Why is this a lesson so hard to learn and so easy to forget?

A few weeks back, I took the girls to piano lessons. They take lessons from a dear friend. She is a wonderful piano teacher but even more than that she is a mentor to the girls. They always get through their lessons and somehow manage to find time to make cookies, create homemade cards, read American Girl magazines and chit chat. I feel so blessed that my girls have someone like her in their life. My friend has a passion for leading and small groups. Not only young girls, but also teens and  women. She leads a group for women once a month that is open to anyone. It is a mid-week, mid-month refresher that is meant to encourage women regardless of the season they are in. A vision given to my friend almost 18 years ago and finally fulfilled 2 years ago. Such an inspiration to me!

But a few weeks ago, as I picked up the girls, my friend asked if I'd be willing to do a short "anchor" moment at their next meeting. My first reaction was "No!" I had a lot more words (totally inappropriate ones) run through my head but was respectful with my "no thanks, not now." Just the thought of it sent terror through my body. The next day, as I was having my quiet time with the Lord, I was struck with the realization that someone had asked me to share a brief snippet of something the Lord was doing in my life and I said no. In an essence I was saying, "No thanks, I'll keep this one just for me." A strong feeling of conviction surged through me. I felt like the Lord was saying, "Yes, I do want to bless you but I also want to bless others through you. Sometimes the gifts I give you, are meant to be shared." How do you say no when God asks you to share something?

As I continued in my quiet time, I was reminded of a post by Ann Voskamp about a "No Fear New Year." This has been my mantra each time I am faced with a situation where my initial reaction is anxiety or fear. I want this year to be different. NO FEAR. Well fear was definitely what was controlling my decision about not wanting to share at my friend's gathering. I have a hard enough time talking myself off the ledge before a Norwex party, I can only imagine the anxiety I will feel before I share with this group. But, there are definitely things that I have been learning over the last few months that I could share with these women and potentially bless them and because of fear, I wanted to keep it all to myself.  So, I texted my friend and told her I'd do it. Believe me, it will only be with Jesus at my side. Can't fathom doing it without it. But I know He will be there because it's not all about me. It is about all of those other women who are aching to be touched by God and He doesn't miss an opportunity!

Super Bowl / Russell Wilson Thoughts

The big game is about to start in a few hours.

There are nerves and excitement all around the country right about now.  Players, broadcasters, performers, and coaches preparing their minds and bodies for the biggest stage in the world.  Companies crossing their fingers that the millions they spent on advertising will pay dividends in profit margins.  Fans digging up any talismans that can hopefully help (or at least not hinder) the chances of their team winning the game.  Hosts and hostesses preparing food and facilities to manage the next several hours as friends and family members descend upon their homes for food, drink, and cheering.

The Super Bowl is a huge event, a big moment, and moments can be very important.  Wonderful and horrible things can happen for and to people in the blink of an eye, and the joy and pain we experience during these times can be permanent.

Right now Russell Wilson is preparing for the biggest moment of his relatively short professional career, and at the end of today, he will be judged based on how he does during it.  Many will say that he will be defined by what he does on the worlds biggest stage today.

But honestly, he won't.  Regardless of how many times we hear it, we simply are not defined by moments.  Neither our greatness nor our mediocrity, nor our success, nor our failures are the result of small periods of time.  They are not the results of singular events.

Making Margin

I really wanted to title this post "Finding Margin." I was hopeful that this feeling of being overwhelmed could be cured with little effort on my part. But as the post rattled around in my brain and as I have wrestled with the feelings, I have realized that my anecdote is not going to just fall in my lap, but that I am going to have to actively participate.

We are halfway through our 4th year of homeschooling. The older girls attended a small private school through 2nd and 4th grade and then it closed. Joel and I spent much time praying about and considering our options for schooling our kids. I really felt called to give it a try at home. Joel thought I was a little bit crazy since it was something that I swore I would NEVER do, but supported me in the decision. It is amazing how the Lord equips and calls us to things in His timing and even if it is something we have said "never" to, it all of a sudden feels right and comes together. We also had a few close friends that were homeschooling. This definitely helped in making the decision.

During that first year of homeschooling, January was the month where I finally felt like I had hit my stride. Initially, homeschooling didn't go how I thought it would and so each month I was tweaking and rearranging until, finally, in January, I thought, I can do this. I settled into a routine, found my stride and felt confident. I try and encourage other homeschool moms in this way. I say "Just wait until January. Press on, it will get better." But now, I have come to dread January. As my kids have gotten older, they have started taking more online classes and this is the first year we have added not one but two co ops to our schedule. (Oh, how I yearn for those early days of homeschool PE at the Y and horseback riding lessons at Miracle Ranch.) January/February is the time of year where everyone is registering for next year. Next year?! I am finally in my groove for THIS year and you want me to plan next year?

Which leads me to the idea of margin. Dictionary.com describes it as the space around the written or printed matter on a page. For me, margin is the space around everything else that is going on in my life. I had a meeting with my oldest's science teacher this week and my take away from our conversation was "Leave big margins." Leave space in the schedule for being a teenager, watching the Holy Spirit move, free time, hobbies, jobs, chores. Whatever it may be, leave space, create space. In theory, I love the idea. But in reality, we have four kids, each one unique, doing different things and taking different classes. I have been so overwhelmed by this year. Not necessarily for myself but for my kids. The running, the checklists, the assignments. There hasn't been much room for anything else. It is very difficult to go backwards, to undo the commitments. As our oldest starts high school next year, I know that our schedule is not going to get any less full. So when the paper is completely filled side to side with permanent ink, how do you create margins?

This is where I am. My first inclination is to take everything and everybody off the grid. No more! Pull out of all co ops, drop all online classes, cancel all sports, music and activities. Hunker down and take back control of this crazy bus. But I'm pretty sure I would have a massive revolt on my hands. My kids really love the classes they are in and the activities that they are apart of.  I'm also not sure that this would be the way the Lord would have me handle it. So for now, I am praying more, a lot more, about what next year should look like. All the while trying to stay firmly grounded in today. Today. It has enough worries of its own. As I continue to pray, the Lord has shown me ways where He is hearing my cry and showing me there is another way. Doors are closing and others are opening. I have had meaningful conversations with wonderful people that are further along on this journey. I am thankful that they are willing to come alongside me and encourage me on the way.

I don't know what next year will hold, what the schedule will look like or how I will feel when it all unfolds but I do know that I can't just sit back and let it happen to me. I need to be fully engaged, fully armored and fully aware. I also know that I will have to fight for more margin, more space, in my life. The enemy desires to keep us overwhelmed and underwater. I will keep you posted.

How do you make margin in your life? What would you encourage me to do as I look ahead to next school year?

Why a blog, from Kari's perspective

 I LOVE blogs. I am a stalker faithful reader of many blogs, mostly of people I don't know. But I would love to know them. I would love the opportunity to sit down with these amazing women (and a few men) and have a cup of coffee, to explore deeper the things of their heart, to know more about their marriages, to hear about their kids, their struggles, their journey. I am not a Facebook girl so I see blogs as a way for me to stay connected. I also try glean as much as I can from other people's experiences. How are they running their homeschool? What are they praying for their kids? Book recommendations. Things that I can implement into my own life. I am a huge fan of not reinventing the wheel!

Just like in my mind I am a runner, I am also a blogger. No I don't actually run, I am more of a Zumba girl, but I have dreams of running long distances. I have even read books about how to train for running long distances but have never followed through. My body never seems very receptive when my feet actually hit the pavement. I also have moments of really clear (and very sporadic) journalling and clear thoughts from the Lord about whatever I am going through. But the idea of actually publishing something for other people to read was (and still is) a bit overwhelming. I am not a writer. In my eyes, Joel is the writer. He has a way of putting words together that draw people in, give a clear picture of what he is trying to say and make people feel certain things. I talk with my hands! My other hangup has always been the logistics of actually creating a blog. How? Where? Why? What would I even call it? All have been hurdles that I have not actually wanted to tackle.

One night a few weeks back, while visiting with a wonderful small group of ladies, the subject of writing a blog came up. I shared my secret fantasy of having a blog. I received overwhelming support from these amazing women. Some even helped with the logistics, laying flat those hurdles that looked so large and overwhelming. When I got home, I shared the conversation with Joel. Ironically, a few evenings prior he had expressed the desire of wanting to do something together. A job, an adventure, anything. After sharing with him the details of the blog discussion, it seemed obvious to us that this might just be the adventure that we could take on together.

And so here we are, being vulnerable and real and honest about our ins and outs. So scary, yet so exciting at the same time. I think I thought we would start off slow, talking about the little funnies of our kids, but I think we're jumping in with both feet. I am thankful for Joel's leadership in this area. I am one who takes very small steps (smaller than baby steps) and he tends to calculate the risk and jump. I will grab on with one hand and cling to the wall with the other. I know that the Lord will help pry off the other hand in His good timing.

I am hoping that our posts will encourage you. That by us sharing the good, the bad and the ugly about our crazy family life, our marriage and ourselves that you will find strength to continue to press on in your own journey. Lord knows we all need a little help along the way. And to know that there are others out there in the boat along with us sure brings peace and comfort.

Why a Blog, from Joel's Perspective

Full disclosure up front: I don't consider myself a writer.  I write in the same way I golf.  I enjoy it, mostly.  But lets be honest: Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are golfers; people like me who populate the courses around the country on a given Saturday are not.  We are people that enjoy the sport and wish we could be better at it, but at best, our skills are limited by the physical and mental limitations that separate the truly great players from those who simply wish they were and by the importance golf has in our lives (sometimes more important than watching television and sometimes less important than grocery shopping).