Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Oh yeah? Then How About This?

Sometimes I feel like God is messing with me.  Like now.

Not in a malicious way, but in the way a dad might test a son or a teacher a student.  There are times when I'm coaching when I'm really pleased with how players are doing or how things are going or maybe I'm not exactly pleased, but I reflect and realize that concepts are being grasped, goals are being reached.  Many times I also notice some overconfidence developing, maybe even some arrogance.  So in those times, sometimes, I give them something way more advanced than I was planning.  I give them a glimpse of the reality that their limited experience and perspective cannot grasp.  I give them something I'm pretty sure they can't handle or aren't ready for.  It's not malicious.  I'm not trying to break their spirit, but they need a check.  They need a glimpse of a bigger picture.

That kind of messing.

For two months now I can't get ideas to come together in neat packages.  I've started several posts and just can't wrap them up.  To be honest, I'm a little (lot?) frustrated with God.  He asked me to do this.  Why would he have me write if I can't put ideas together?  See what I mean?  Messing with me.

In Exodus, God does this with Moses.  Toward the end of the book of Exodus, we see that God has literally transformed Moses from an escaped-convict-nomad to the leader of a nation.  Moses has had multiple meetings with one of the most powerful men in the world at the time (Pharaoh), has led his people out of bondage, has produced miracles of deliverance and sustenance, and has established a standard of cultural mores and a codified law (not to mention regular conversations with the omnipotent and omniscient creator and ruler of the universe).  At the height of his accomplishments with every conceivable wind at his back, Moses comes down from Mt Sinai and finds his brother and his people have completely lost their minds, melted down their valuables, and molded a "god" of their own creation.

At this point, Moses might be justified in feeling a bit further along in the faith journey than pretty much all of his peers.  Some understandable arrogance.

Moses heads back up the mountain to see what the Israelites can do to atone for their sin and he says, "Oh, what a great sin these people have committed! They have made themselves gods of gold.  But now please forgive their sin -- but if not, then blot me out of the book you have written." (Exodus 32:31-32)  It's hard to attribute intent when reading scripture, but to me, this sounds like Moses saying, "You and I both know they are bad, but you and I also both know that I'm awesome, and because of that, I know you wont destroy me, so please forgive them for my sake."

God's response?  "Don't you worry about it.  I'll take care of them.  You take care of you." (Exodus 32:33-34 Joel's Translation)  That should have been a bit of a warning, and maybe Moses heeded it, but I totally get why his pride may have swelled a bit.  Unfortunately, though, the pattern continues.

Right after this, in Exodus 33, God promises victory over the regional powers of the day and a homeland of wealth and comfort. He also tells Moses to "tell the Israelites, 'You are a stiff-necked people...'" implying, of course, that Moses isn't included in that assessment.  To further reinforce his distinction from the masses, Moses set up a tent "some distance away" from the camp and anyone who wanted to inquire of the Lord, would go up and ask Moses.  There "the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." (Exodus 33:11)

So, again, it is understandable how Moses, as my dad used to say, gets a little too big for his britches. But we aren't done.

In Exodus 33:12, Moses goes to God and says that he needs to know more.  He needs to be part of the executive team, for how can he lead these people without knowing what God knows.  God gives him a gentle rebuke: "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  In essence, God says, "I am enough.  My presence is enough.  I've got this.  You don't need to know what I know.  You just need to trust me."

But Moses presses, "How will anyone know that you are pleased with me...?"  (as if that is important)

At this point, I'm getting nervous.  I'm thinking that God is gonna give Moses a smack down.  Who the heck does he think he is?  But I'm not God.  Or more accurately, God isn't me.  God doesn't smack him down.  He gently relents.  He says, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name." (Exodus 33:17)

Wow!  What I wouldn't give to hear God saying that to me!  Instead of rebuking him, God directly addresses the insecurity in Moses' question.  He reassures Moses of God's love for him and approval of him and place with him.  I can't imagine the joy and pride and comfort in receiving such a statement.  I don't know how I would respond.

But of course, that isn't really accurate.  In Christ on the cross, I have already received that statement.  And while I was and am eternally grateful for God's love and gentleness and unmerited favor, my response is generally, "but I want more."  Just like Moses.

Moses says, "Now show me your glory." (Exodus 33:18)

This is where I think God decides to mess with Moses.  What follows is what I call a you-don't-know-what-you-are-asking-for-but-since-you-asked... moment.  This happens again with the Jesus' disciples in Mark 10:35-40, and just like with the disciples, I don't think it goes as Moses expects.

"You want to see my glory?  Really?  Dude, you can't handle my glory.  But because I know that the only way for you to understand that you can't handle it is to give you some of it, I'll do it.  I'll give you a glimpse."

So, Moses gets all the glory he can handle: God shoves him in a hole, covers his eyes, and shows him his backside.

And the truth is that was all Moses could handle.  And Moses needed to be reminded of that.

And so do I.

Disclaimer: I don't think God looks like Jack Nicholson
I've been writing in hopes of making some sense out of my life.  It didn't start that way though.  I started writing out of obedience.  God clearly prompted me to write.  So I did.  Eventually.  And as I wrote, as I was obedient, I began to see fruit.  Pieces started falling into place.  I started discovering truths about my life.  And there was comfort in that.  So soon, I wasn't writing out of obedience but out of a search for truth.  I wanted to understand what God understood.  I wanted to know the truth.

The problem is that, just like Moses, I can't handle what I want.  The problem is that the more you know, the more you realize how little you know.  The more that you make sense out of things, the more you realize how much there is out there that you cannot connect and explain and fit into understandable boxes.

But of course, that's the point.  God knows this.  We aren't meant to understand everything.  We aren't meant to share God's glory.  We are meant to love and be loved.

I think this is the whole of the message of the Bible.  I think this is the totality of God's declaration to the completeness of creation.  Not the foundation of it.  Not the starting or ending point.  The entirety of it.  God says, "I love you.  I know you by name.  I am with you.  That is all."

Wait a bit and reread that.  Read it twice.  Keep reading it.  Stop reading anything else and meditate on it.  Absorb it.  Rest in it.

I know you won't though.  Because I don't either.

Instead, we blow right by that most astounding of all assertions.  That we are loved.  That we are known.  That we are safe.

I blow right past that and I say, "Thank you.  No, really.  Thank you, but if you love me, and if you know me, you'd let me closer.  You'd let me know more.  You'd let me have some of your glory.  You wouldn't let me sit here worrying about what is to come.  You'd let me know how everything fits together and where we are going and what we are doing. You'd let me be a god too."  As if that kind of revelation would produce the safety and comfort that we are looking for.  The kind of safety and comfort that his universe-shaking declaration of love and presence didn't.  As if that kind of revelation would produce in us anything other than pain and sorrow and frustration on an level and scale that we simply cannot comprehend.  A level that only God can fathom.  A level that God experiences daily.  To a degree that is as infinite as he is.

But I asked.  So, God gives me a glimpse.  And I think I get it.  For now.

I can't even handle God's backside.


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